We have all experienced times when a loved one is in crisis. For many of us, our natural instinct is to help. What can I say or do to make this better? What does my loved one need to heal, recover, or be exonerated in this situation? Our heart’s desire is to support, to help, to make it better.
There are situations that are so overwhelming on the human level that I am left speechless. Those of you who know me may chuckle at the thought that I am ever without words! Yet there I am without a thought in my head in response to what I am seeing or hearing. All I have in that moment is “I love you.” Isn’t it interesting that I think that is not enough? Yeah. Think about that for a minute.
I spent many years in support groups learning how to let people live out their own situations. I had to learn to stay in my own life and take care of me so that I could wisely discern when my help was necessary and truly supportive, when a hug or a kind word was my greatest gift, or when quietly showing up with food or a restaurant gift card met an immediate need.
When those closest to me (my children or other family members) are suffering, is when I am most challenged to stay in my own life. Learning about energy and emotions and what love really is has helped me to understand the greatest gift I can give to others. I will try to put this into words with clarity and simplicity.
Love is the Divine Emotion. Like all emotions, It is energy in motion (e-motion). Energy emanates out from my being on all levels of awareness – this is what an aura is. My aura is the energy that emanates out from the physical body that I am currently occupying. My aura fluctuates, sometimes expanding outward without limit and other times moving close to my physical body. Emotions are powerful energies; some are extremely intense. For example, have you ever felt heat emanate off a person who is furious? Anger is an intensely hot energy, isn’t it? Have you ever entered a room where everyone is quietly going about their business yet you can feel tension in the air? Conflict can be felt long after those involved have stopped arguing.
So, what emanates out from my body when someone I love is suffering? What am I “sending” to them when I think about them? I believe that what I am feeling for them goes to them. If one of my children calls me and shares something they are struggling with or hurting over, I remind myself that my response matters – not because I can fix everything for them but because we are so deeply connected that my energy will interact with theirs quickly and even from a great distance. If I worry and fret, that is what they will feel from me and it may cause them not to reach out because they don’t want to upset me. They may also feel that I don’t have faith in their ability to deal with life. Is that what I want? Absolutely not!
Now, my intention is very different from what it used to be. I still hurt when my dear ones hurt; I grieve and am profoundly sad at times. What is different is my awareness that this will emanate out from me to them during stressful times. My spiritual practice becomes clear. I sit with my own emotions and honor my own pain, moving through these feelings as quickly as I can. Then I fill my heart, mind and body with light and love for that person. I envision my love as soft light that bathes them and permeates their being physically, mentally and emotionally. Every time my loved one comes to mind, I take a slow breath and picture them bathed in light and love. I send them blessings and silently tell them that I love them and I believe in them. And I let this be enough. I trust that, when they think of me, the only thing they feel is my love and my faith that this will work to their highest good.
And it is also what I say when given the opportunity: I love you, sweetheart, and I believe in you. I trust you to find a way and I trust the Divine to bring you your highest good.
In the moment, this doesn’t always feel like enough. My experience, however, has shown me that it is enough. Loved ones have come back to me and said they trust me with their struggles because I don’t try to fix everything or give them all the answers. They tell me that they know I believe in them. Whew! The first few times it blew my mind! It still makes me emotional because their highest good is what truly matters to me. And it is grace in action to understand on a deep level that I do NOT know what is best for others in any given moment.
May you be blessed today with the wisdom and understanding of what is best for you. I love you and I believe in you. May your life unfold for your highest good and the highest good of all.