Not Having the Answer for Everyone

I am the mother of two loving, intelligent, talented, wonderful human beings. I do not know everything about my children and yet I have known them longer than anyone else. I have known them since they were in my womb and I do not claim to be objective about them! I’m their mother; why would I be objective? In my eyes, in my mind, in my heart, they will always be amazing and wonderful. I am consistently taken back that I am responsible for having literally brought them into this world, this lifetime.

There have been times, in both their lives, when they have experienced deeply painful things. It is the nature of life, yes? None of us are exempt. Neither of them turn to me every time for guidance, understanding, and support but, when they do, I find myself dealing with that inability to be objective about them. I have the mama bear responses of wanting to defend and go after whoever is the cause of their pain. As I feel these things, my Soul speaks to my mind and heart with that still quiet voice that cannot be ignored. I am reminded that they are on a sacred path and it is no longer my job to protect and defend; it is my job to encourage and support. I would like to share, without personal details, an experience with each of them so that you can witness the power of following the guidance of the guru within, your Soul.

My daughter called and shared her sorrow and confusion with me. She was distraught and undone by life. She is a very intelligent woman who has created a wonderful life for herself. She is strong and resilient and not easily given to being undone. This night she was shattered. As I listened from my heart, I was overwhelmed with the depth of her emotions and what this experience had done to her. How could I say anything to make this better? I certainly couldn’t change it or fix it. My mind was a total blank and my heart was overflowing with love for my child, my firstborn. So, I said the only thing that came to my mind:

Honey, I don’t know what to say to you. Do you want me to come and be with you? I wish I had the answers that you need but I can tell you this. I know you better than any other human being. I have known you since you were in my womb, before I even knew what you looked like, and I believe in you. I am holding you in my heart and I believe in you to find your way through this, to find the answers that will work for you. I believe in you, sweetheart.

Her response almost knocked me over because I felt I was letting her down and had given her all I had to give and thought it probably wasn’t enough. She had listened so quietly, I wasn’t sure she was still on the phone. Her tears had melted away in the process and she spoke almost in a whisper, “Mom, this is why I called you and not anyone else. I knew you wouldn’t tell me what to do but you would understand and love me.” Whew! We hung up moments later and I dissolved into tears. My Soul spoke to hers. Those words did not come from the mind or the ego or even my hurting heart. My Soul spoke to hers.

The call from my son came in the morning just after I returned from riding my horse. My dog went with us and I was grounded and filled with a sense of peace and oneness with life. His first words, in a voice that revealed a deep need, were, “Mom, can you step away from being my mother long enough to be my spiritual guide and teacher? I need your help but it has to come from that place in you that you go to when you teach yoga and meditation, when a student comes to you for help in dealing with life. Can you do that with me?” I asked him to give me a moment to turn within and feel what he was asking. I remembered the experience with his sister and told him that I would do my best. He shared his story, his sorrow, his disappointment and pain. My mother’s heart does not disappear in these times; I feel my child’s pain and my own heart feels sorrow and hurt. However, my Soul takes the lead as my mind goes blank. I have learned to trust that rather than be taken back by it. I understand that the words that eventually come to mind will be from my Soul, from Divine Love within me. When he finished, I acknowledged his pain and suggested he focus on his breath and soften his body while I took a moment to breathe and turn within before saying anything. Then I replied without knowing more than the first few words I would say.

I love you. You are the child of my body and the child of my heart. I know you and I feel your sorrow and your disappointment. You are a courageous and strong young man and this has hit at the heart of you. First, I want you to know that you can do this; you can come through this and heal your heart and your mind. I believe in you and trust you to find your way through this. I also want to remind you that you must find open and honest expression of this pain. If you bury it, it will become a seed of bitterness that will affect your desire and ability to express your creativity and talent in this world. When we hang up, take a timer into the bathroom and set it for 20 minutes. Get into a hot shower and give yourself over to your pain and sorrow; let your tears flow; cry your heart out. If you make it until the timer goes off, let the tears go and dry yourself off. You are afraid if you give in to the emotions, you will never stop crying. Trust me, honey. Most of us barely make it 10 minutes. You may need to do this again if the emotions resurface. So what? Do it again. You will be exhausted so rest after. I love you. You can do this; I know you.

About an hour later, he called me back. “Mom, that was amazing! I really let it loose and I think I pushed it to a whole 8 minutes! And you were right, I am exhausted so I am going back to bed now and I will call you later. Thanks, Mom. I love you.” He still had a lot to look at and work through but he didn’t have to revisit the shower treatment. He chose to turn a painful human experience into an opportunity to grow spiritually, mentally and emotionally. My Soul spoke to his Soul.

In these experiences with my children, I was shown the power of turning to my Soul and letting my Soul speak to theirs. I don’t have to have all the answers. I do not know what is best for another spiritual being who is currently having a human experience. I can offer ideas about what works to calm the body, mind and emotions so they can turn to the Divine within. I can remind another that they DO know what to do. Their answers lie within; their answers come from their Soul. I can love and support with understanding and encouragement. I can believe in them and honor their journey, their sacred path. I can trust my Soul to bring the words they need to hear and I can speak, believing in mySelf. This is my sacred path.

I love you. Namaste.


3 thoughts on “Not Having the Answer for Everyone

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