It Isn’t About Trying

Having grown up in a religious home and culture, I learned at a very young age to try really really hard to please God and gain his favor. I tried really really hard to please my parents, my teachers at school, and my dance teachers. I so wanted to be a good girl! As an adult, I continued to try hard to be a good Christian, a good wife, a good mother, friend, bible teacher, etc.

As the dawn of enlightenment began, I felt set free of the need to meet all those standards. I came to believe the very essence of the Divine was manifesting through me; that I am a spiritual being learning to be human. Oh, it took time to let go of it all and enlightenment is a journey rather than a destination; it unfolds as my humanity is able to grasp and absorb and be All That It Is.

I wrote recently about equanimity and it is the focus of my meditation and intention right now. Yesterday my understanding of this quality expanded and, once again, I had that sensation of being set free. It began when I wrote my intention for the day on a small white board that hangs on my refrigerator:

I abide and I rest in the equanimity of my Soul.

I had time to think on this as I drove an hour or so to meet a precious friend for lunch. Another dawning occurred. I do not have to work at expanding equanimity because my Soul is equanimity; my Soul is the very essence of my being. What calls to me is already who I Am. All that is required is that I know that in the very fiber of my being and that I embrace my Truth, rest in my Soul, and allow equanimity to fill my awareness as it arises from the very essence of Who I Am. Just as true peace simply is, equanimity simply is. It is my awareness and my desire and intention to live from the Truth of Who I Am that allows equanimity to manifest in my life.

It is not about trying. It is about being.

I know it is mine when life arranges a circumstance that reveals where my awareness and intention are in that moment. Where am I abiding? What am I believing about myself and life? What is manifesting in this circumstance? Yesterday, as the one hour journey home took three hours, I knew this understanding was mine. As the flow of traffic averaged about 3 miles per hour, I was blessed by my own serenity! I observed myself sending blessings to other drivers and to accident victims, police and rescue workers. I melted into deep gratitude for my car which idles well and doesn’t overheat with a/c running. I blessed the gentleman behind me who didn’t sit on my bumper and left a safe distance between us. NOW, listen to me…this all came up in me quietly, gently, and quite apart from my mind. I wasn’t reaching for peace and equanimity and, believe me, these are not always my experience in a motor vehicle! What I was experiencing was the result of the time I spent earlier that day RESTING IN THE EQUANIMITY OF MY SOUL. I sat in heavy traffic, my body aching from the endless use of brake, clutch, accelerator, knowing that I was still resting in my Soul.

Being a good girl is not, and never has been, the goal. Abiding in the Truth of my Soul allows my Soul, my Divine Essence, to manifest through this body, mind, heart. This is the point of being here!

It is not about trying. It is about knowing so that I can simply be. And this is a knowing that arises from the Soul and is then woven into the very fiber of this human body, mind, heart. It is becoming the knowing.

It is not about trying. It is about being.

I love you all, all ways.

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