Inside or Outside?

Does your sense of self, happiness, love come from inside of you or outside of you? Are you able to sit in silence for the true answer? Are you able to hear the truth without judgment, without self-criticism?

Growing up, I was taught that it was very important not to hurt other people’s feelings. The intention was to make me aware and to show compassion for others. The result was that I came to believe I was responsible for other people’s feeling so surely they must be responsible for mine. How different my life would have been if I had been taught to know and love myself so that I could speak my truth gently and with compassion for myself and others. My parents lived and taught what they knew. None of us can live beyond our current level of awareness and understanding. My sweet mother was emotionally crippled by her belief that what other’s thought of her and whether or not they loved her mattered. She didn’t know she was passing that on to me.

As Divine Grace would have it, I met others who loved me And helped me confront my own beliefs and habits. I was only in my twenties when I began to know people I could turn to with my struggles and my questions. Such a gift! So many questions!! Most of them dealt with how to live in peace and how to be genuinely happy. The journey began and it continues. You do know we don’t “arrive,” right?

I have lived alone for over twenty years now so there are many hours available to me to notice whether or not I am present, mindful, and at peace with myself and my life. Many hours. I am a contemplative by nature so this is not said to express my discomfort or to suggest that I suffer in being alone. However, my contemplative nature loves introspection and my mind loves to do life reviews! The challenge then is staying in the moment as I practice introspection, looking within. Like so many that I know, circular thinking almost paralyzed me when I was young. Now it seems to be a tool for Higher Self to remind me to stay in the present moment. As one of my teachers, Richard Miller, said to me, “Catherine, when you are going in circles, realize this is a road sign telling you to make a U-turn. Let the challenge turn you back within to the Oneness that you are.”

What does your mind circle around? Does this produce answers or bring peace? Are you reading the road sign correctly or are you interpreting a U-turn sign as a round-about sign?

It is all inside. It is all inside. Oneness, Peace, Love, Joy, Happiness, Contentment, Clarity, the Divine Itself…ALL INSIDE.

Aum shanti, dear hearts. Peace be with you.

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4 thoughts on “Inside or Outside?

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