Unreasonable expectations result in frustration, anger, depression, and hopelessness.
Where do unreasonable expectations come from?
My experience has taught me that my perceptions – how I perceive the way life (and therefore other people) should be, look, feel, and unfold – create my expectations. My expectations then determine how I respond or react to the way life is unfolding or happening for me. This includes my behavior, abilities, success, etc. It also includes how others treat me or respond to me.
It occurred to me, during a private session with a client a few days ago, that we can choose to “release” unreasonable expectations and the resulting self-judgment until we are blue in the face and it won’t change our behavior. As soon as we are tired, hungry, or upset, we will fall into the same pattern of expectations and judgements.
However, if we can shift to a new level of awareness about our expectations, we will see how we came to form these expectations. What is the new level of awareness?
PERCEPTIONS CREATE EXPECTATIONS
On the most fundamental level, my expectations are based on my personal interpretation of what my life is “supposed” to be: relationships, financial status, marital status, social status, weight, height, beauty…..oh, the list goes on, doesn’t it?!
Let me say that again:
My expectations are based on my personal interpretation of what my life is “supposed” to be like.
Here are a few examples from challenges I have faced in my own life. I am phrasing these in terms of the way I perceived life at the time.
- Comparing myself to others works – THIS IS NOT TRUE!! Every time I compare myself to another, I open myself up to pride and arrogance (I am/did better) or self-judgement and frustration (they did better). Either way, I lose.
- When things manifest (timing) is in my hands – THIS IS NOT TRUE!! Leave the timing in the hands of the Divine. Use your time to meditate and surrender your dreams to the heart of Divine Love. May your mantra/prayer be “Show me my part. I give you the rest.”
- My physical age determines my ability to succeed – THIS IS NOT TRUE!! Listen to me please. My life does not resemble the dreams I had about what it would look life halfway through my 71st year. It is different and wonderful and the surprises keep coming. AND I am so not done yet! So, instead of telling yourself that you aren’t where you thought you would be by time you were ___ years old, affirm what you have experienced & learned, how you have grown, even mistakes you have made. Affirm your life unfolding; do the work that connects you to True Self; keep becoming Divinely Human. All else is detail rather than substance. Details come and go with the winds of time and with the shifting of cosmic consciousness. Trust me. You are so not done yet!
You are loved. Yes, you are.
You are love manifesting in the world even when you think you cannot possibly be. Yes, you are.
I know because I am too, even when I cried all one day last weekend.
I love you so I know.